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Brought to you right from the dark recesses of an insomniac's mind. Join Sam-Steele, Private Eye, in this four part serialized tale of MYSTERY! SUSPENSE! ADVENTURE! Sounds like your typical pulp fiction/film noir? Way more than that, cuz this heroine is in drag. We could tell you that this writer directed 2 music videos for Ani Difranco, worked as an Independent Producer for CBC, sold a documentary on Stonewall 25 to WTN, and wrote and directed an all-female western "SPAG" that has played everywhere from Japan to England to Texas. But that would be bragging wouldn't it?
Wake Up Screaming
HOLLOW CRIME Pt. 4:
The Conclusion
by Lynn Kamm
For those of you who have been waiting with baited breath: finally, boys
and girls: the conclusion to this pulp fiction-esque tale of suspense and murder!
I was driving with a boy and his grandfather up Mont. Royal. We had to get away before the city exploded from a gas leak. The pick-up truck roared through the fires and I was standing by the beach with my little cousin, who is the spitting male image of myself and I was trying to call my mother to say everything is okay. We will be home for the holidays. Then I entered a large cave. Inside were three houses; one in wood, one in glass and one in stone. I walked into the wooden one and found a woman naked except for body painting. She is holding her crying child. She screamed at me. I woke up.
I grabbed a glass of water and wondered if the nightmares might be attributed to what I eat. I lay down and transformed into Sam Steele.
The moans grew louder.
SAM: Remind you of anything?
LICKS: I am hurt. Does this mean he wasn't in
love with me?
I gently picked the lock. Success. I turned the knob and glanced back at Licks.
SAM: Want to get a room with me?
LICKS: I have one.
With a swift kick, she flung open the door. Licks snatched a bucket of ice of the end table and doused Sil and Nick. Sil grabbed Licks, still sputtering and the two of them started to fight. I flicked on the light. Nick was dazed and confused, still trying to shake himself awake. I ducked around the duking couple and sat down next to him.
NICK: Sam, what is going on?
SAM: You got caught with your pants down. I didn't
know you do the boy staff, as well.
Nick surveys his pants and missing shirt.
NICK: Sil?
SAM: Was it that dark?
NICK: Why I oughtta--
Nick feebly tried to get up to take a swing at Sil and fell down on the couch, still to drunk to be mobile.
SAM: Hold up there, big boy. You are in no condition to drive.
NICK: Aren't you going to help her?
SAM: She's from Chicago. She'll ask if she needs
my help. Martini?
Nick held his head and shrugged no. I made my way around the flying objects to the bar. Licks was dancing around the desk with Sil. I managed to grab the martini shaker and a couple of glasses before Phil flew through the door, gun drawn.
SAM: Glad you could join us. Martini?
PHIL: I can't take this anymore. The coppers want
to pin Vicki's death on me on account of the whole dungeon
thing. I loved her. I'm going to make Nick pay for this.
SAM: Put that thing away before you hurt yourself. Have a drink.
FINGERS: Do as the man said.
Fingers walked through the door with his revolver drawn. Phil obeyed and sat down next to Nick.
SAM: Now that's better. We can all have a drink.
FINGERS: I followed him like you said. Are you okay?
SAM: Nope, I need another martini.
I whipped up four martinis and joined the peanut gallery on the couch. Sil had managed to pin Licks on top of the desk. He was reaching for the letter opener.
FINGERS: Looks like she is in a tough spot.
I wasn't paying attention. I was concentrating on swirling
the olive in my drink. Nick nudged me.
SAM: Oh yes, aah sweetums...pookie are you in
need of assistance?
LICKS: No, I am just resting for the finale...pumpkin.
SAM: See? She is fine.
Licks grabbed the phone and walloped Sil on the head. He fell to the floor near my feet. I grabbed the shaker and hit his head.
SAM: Shaken, not stirred.
I poured myself a refill as Licks threw herself onto Sil and placed him in a headlock. She swirled around, grabbed the phone chord and tied his feet.
SAM: Rodeo maneuver...nice one.
Sil managed to kick Licks off of him and pulled out a small gun, concealed under his pant leg.
SAM: How unsportsmanlike.
SIL: Shut up, you cheap drunk. Let's get out of
here boss. I've got them covered.
SAM: Maybe Nick would like to know how you posed
as him to audition acts for the club? You are partial to suits
arenŐt you, Sil? That's how you got all of your dates. In
fact, you had one with me in the alley last night.
SIL: Don't listen to him.
SAM: You have been in love with Nick since the
beginning. You couldn't stand the thought that Vicki was going
to marry him. So you murdered her.
SIL: She was no good for you. You said so yourself.
I was looking out for you. Let's leave, Nick. We can start
over in another city.
Licks was slowly shaking off the blow from Sil. She crept
along the floor and grabbed the martini shaker and flung it
at Sil's gun hand.
SAM: Sacrilege.
LICKS: You've had enough fun.
Malone and two boys in blue dashed inside.
MALONE: We got an anonymous tip on the Hollow case.
SAM: You may thank my secretary. May I introduce
you to Sil Cone, the murderer. I'll leave Fingers, Marcella,
here to fill you in on the details. A simple crime of passion.
I escorted Licks out of the chaos and into the hallway. I inhaled her perfume.
LICKS: This was real cute but I have a date.
SAM: You won't reconsider and have a drink with
me instead? We make a pretty good team.
LICKS: I never do. Reconsider, that is. See you next time, Steele.
I watched her walk down the hallway. There goes a great dish. What a shame. A dish that prefers dishes. I suddenly felt like checking into the Royal. Maybe that clerk had my room number tonight.
THE END
Contact Lynne Kamm at 5a7@avivalasvegas.com. Make sure to put Lynne Kamm in the subject.
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