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Brought to you right from the dark recesses of an insomniac's mind. Join Sam-Steele, Private Eye, in this four part serialized tale of MYSTERY! SUSPENSE! ADVENTURE! Sounds like your typical pulp fiction/film noir? Way more than that, cuz this heroine is in drag.
We could tell you that this writer directed 2 music videos for Ani Difranco, worked as an Independent Producer for CBC, sold a documentary on Stonewall 25 to WTN, and wrote and directed an all-female western "SPAG" that has played everywhere from Japan to England to Texas. But that would be bragging wouldn't it?
Wake Up Screaming
by Lynne Kamm
I've talked in my sleep since I was a small child. Now I'm 35 and I still do... except now I wake up screaming.
Someone from work is yelling at me that the computer exploded because I left it on, then the bill collector is my mother who has come to move in with me and I decide to change careers and I have a mop in my hand, running down dim-lit corridors, a painting of my girlfriend looks at me and says my puppy died if only I had remembered to water the plants and the mop turns into a car and I am making a slow left turn and run a cop off the road. I wake up screaming.
I lay awake and daydream. I'm not a female writer in an over
priced West-end heritage apartment with the radiators painted
shut on high. I'm Sam Steele, Private Eye. I live in a technicolor-free
America, in an urban jungle full of decadence and debauchery.
The world is full of neon signs, greasy spoons, alleyways,
gambling joints and police interrogation rooms.
The only things faster than the women are the guns. Fast holster flipping verbal repartee that spins my adversaries into a tizzy. The pile of bills, arguments, career decisions all melt away and I am there. I'm wearing a dapper bowler hat and suit. The best drag I've ever done- smoother than Bogie and tougher than Cagney. Don't piss me off 'cause I will shoot.
Hollow Crime Part.1
I was worked over by the cops last night. They had found my card on the dresser of a dame named Vicki Hollow. A singer who worked the low end clubs. A hot number with not bad pipes if you were listening to her legs. Hooked up with an easy club runner by the name of Nick Spade. All was pretty Hollywood until she messed around with a shoe storeowner named Hardware. A dungeon party master. She was dead in a week and I had a headache. My name? Sam Steele- Private Dick.
My office was a modest space on the East Side of town near the Village. All "villages" are on the East Side. A phenomenon I attribute to the earlier sun setting. A place that thrives in darkness. My secretary was punctual as always.
Sam Steele: Good morning Maggie, ol gal. Whip me up a cup of coffee-
no grains, vermouth. Add ice and shake.
Maggie: Good afternoon to you. You look like you had a rough date.
Sam Steele: I tripped and landed on Chief Malone's fist. Get me an
address on Nick Spade and Phil Hardware.
Phil's shop was closed and filled to the rim with boxes. Some forceful pounding at the door procured a meek man. Not at all what you would expect for an S&M guru. I wondered if it was all in the carefully concealed piercing.
Phil: Listen Steele if you‚re ask me, Nick has his fingers
in this. He was sore that Vicki left him.
Sam Steele: Oh I'm asking. So Phil, why would a dame leave a connected
guy like Nick for a guy's who's only ties are laces.
Phil: Better Sex
He made a good point.
Sam Steele: What's with all the boxes?
Phil: Moving to Chicago to be closer to my mom, she is sick. Vicki
was -going with me for a change of scenery.
Sam Steele: You're a swell guy Phil. I suppose Nick knew this?
Phil: I don't know.
Talking to Phil was like talking to the nerd in front of the class. You pitied him while you beat him up. Nick's high-end joint was the Amazon. It was protected by cop payola. Coppers had the permanent front row seating and the chorus kicked extra high for Malone's boys. I was surprised to find Fingers working the bar.
Fingers: Dick, long time. The usual?
Sam Steele: Extra ice, I'm on a job. Finger's, why are you working
for this turkey?
Fingers: -Name's Marcella. No one calls me Fingers since I've gone
straight. My easy joint started getting raided after I dated that guy. Business
went down.
Sam Steele: Sorry to hear that. What's the skinny on the bottle blonde
Vicki that's now a six deeper?
Fingers: Was Nick's girl. A real good liner. Rumor is that he gets
territorial with his property.
Sam Steele: What kind of mortgage payment was she receiving?
Fingers: Usual, cars, drinks, minks and a headlining act.
Sam Steele: Do Nick's pay girls have a history of dying, say accidental
like?
Fingers: -Don't know but Nick has a long history.
Sam Steele: Thanks Fingers.
I've never been one not to knock on the lion's den. Nick's office was hidden on the north side of the club. I unfortunately had to pass the chorus line on the way and was momentarily blinded by their jewels.
TUNE IN NEXT WEEK: FOR PART II OF: WAKE UP SCREAMING.
Contact Lynne Kamm at 5a7@avivalasvegas.com. Make sure to put Lynne Kamm in the subject.
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