Welcome to avivalasvegas and tonights episode of Poutine
Talk.
But first, let me introduce my gang. We are avivalasvegas
and we are brand new to the web.
Smoking, drinking martinis, and imbibing in other such pleasures
are our main priorities, we must admit. But every once in
a while we take a little "heads up" to offer you a glimpse
of what's out there that you may be missing.
So without delay, direct from a world most of you can only
dream about...It's Aviva Las Vegas with "Poutine Talk."
This week poutine talk is served up in 3 segments:
- World news (condensed for cocktail parties)
- letters to the editors AND
- avivalasvegas public service announcement
Letters to the Editor
And now everyone's favorite segment of poutine talk: Letters
to the Editor.
Today, I would like to introduce you to some of your fellow
readers. We have had some great feedback, and here are some
samples:
Dear Aviva Las Vegas,
In my travels of visiting various 'themed' rooms on PalTalk,
a new communication application on the Internet where you
can chatwith people by text, audio or video, and exchange
files, I noticed I had only visited the busiest ones. Then
I noticed, "Submissive wants to be dominated by group" was
pretty empty. Next thing I knew..Her voice came through my
speakers in digital clarity that I knew that I truly entered
a new sort of madness reserved for bad LSD trips."
NOTE FROM AVIVA LAS VEGAS: This letter is being archived
for an upcoming article, so sorry, that's all you get for
today. Ta-ta. Aviva Las Vegas
Dear avivalasvegas,
"This e-zine is obscene and absoloutely disgusted me."
Signed, Anonymous Relative of ALV
Dear avivalasvegas:
"Just checked out your website. Pretty cool stuff. Very
west coast/ Hollywood trash. Looking forward to reading more!"
Marie-Claire in Montreal.
One last note: after only two weeks up we have already
received lots of great feedback, but most of it was way too
wacko to print. Our lawyers are currently reviewing this.
If you wrote any of it, they will be in touch with you shortly,
and yes, it will cost you.
That's all for this episode of Poutine Talk. Tune in Soon.
Aviva Las Vegas
Aviva LasVegas Marathon of Hope
For many of us, this can be a difficult time of year. Too
many poutines, too many beers and a long winter of smut and
decadence, can be hard, even on avivalasvegas.
Are you feeling a bit flabby? Have you smoked too many cigaretttes
this winter? Are you dying to look sporty when really, you
couldn't care less? Do you want to remain attractive at all
costs.
But avivalasvegas has a message for all of you! It is never,
I mean never, too late to pull it all together in time for
spring. Man or woman, young or old, join avivalasvegas in
the annual post-winter, suck-in-your gut and pray no one notices
until after you're all naked, marathon of hope.
My motto has always been never give up, never give in. Be
aware of one thing though, the expression you can never be
too rich or too thin is absolute and utter hooey, honey.
Did any of you ever take a philosophy course in logic? I
did and I learnt one thing and one thing only. Think Descartes.
If: first of all you can be too thin.
And: second of all you can be fat once you are rich.
Then: the best thing to do is to stay thin and climb
your way to the top, and once you are there you can become
as fat as you'd like.
Of course, I am very thin and very rich and do not have these
problems, nor am I preoccupied with such insipid thoughts.
But just in case you are, there you go. Join us in our annual
marathon of hope. Thank you, and now back to Poutine Talk.
World News for Cocktail Parties
World News for you, quick and dirty. Here are the lines you
need to pick up the one you want at that Cocktail Party. If
you want to sound smart AND sexy, keeping up with the news
is the best way to do so. Here are the most up to date lines
for that particular guy or gal you are trying to impress.
News Item #1 to pick up the drunk at the bar:
"You know honey, just because Bill Clinton's brother was arrested
for drunk driving in an oceanside town near Las Angeles last
week, does not give to drink and drive honey."
News Item #2: how to impress the computer Geek with your
intimate knowledge of their landscape.
"Wasn't there something on the news about Napster recently?"
News Item #3 to pick up lawyers
"Did you hear that rap star who used to date Jennifer Lopez,
hired Johhny Cochrane to defend him at his trial in New York
, and hired a big P.R. firm to spin the press. Were you involved
in that case at all?"
News Item #4 to pick up the cutie in the corner:
"Sex just hasn't been the same since that sex researcher Masters,
or Masters and Johnson died in a Tuscon Arizona hospital last
week at the age of 85 from complications from Parkinson's
disease, if you know what I mean."
News Item #5: how to get rid of the drunk with the bad
tie
Did you read Jack Boulware's article on that woman in Hong
Kong who called her boyfriend 1000 times a day when he left
her. Well, that's nothing….You should see what I did to the
last guy I dated."
News Item #5: How to convince the married guy to leave
his wife for you:
"But Swiss circus manager and elephant trainer Franco Knie
is separating from his wife amid media reports he is in love
with Princess Stephanie of Monaco. It's true, I think. She
visited the circus's winter base in Switzerland last week,
and he fell head over heels, according to one news wire. If
he can do it so can you."
Send your letters to avivalasvegas on any important news
events that maybe I somehow missed. I do think this covers
the top stories though, don't you?
Next up: Aviva Las Vegas News.
New in avivalasvegas:
- Anonymous hits the streets of New York while he tries
to see how the other half lives. Stay tuned in this serialized
story of size, sex and maybe even scandal.
- Wake up Screaming, Lynn Kamm's nouveau pulp fiction with
a modern edge, will keep you on the edge. Stay tuned for
more of Lynn's work coming up this spring.
Next week:
- Martha Stewart, please! The Kinky Cook's at it again.
Just when you thought you knew how to do a chicken, comes
Jamaican Curried Chicken: impress your friends, lovers and
the beast that lurks within us all with this dish.
- The Retired Whore is back with everything you needed to
know about circumcision, and more!
- More! Sexy scandalous decadence here for you. Now!
Ta-Ta Readers, and don't forget: Stay Beautiful. Signing
off for now,
Aviva Las Vegas.
Contact Poutine Talk at 5a7@avivalasvegas.com.
Make sure to put Poutine Talk in the subject line.
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