If you are having a hard time staying a la mode, critter's column is a must read. When he's not attracting porn crafters, sugar daddies and the rest of us, he's setting the trends that keep avivalasvegas readers ahead of the masses. Up to date, sometimes hilarious and always refreshing, his take on life and pop culture is bang on. Join him this month as he tackles monogamy.
nonconformistcritter
Well hey all, this is my first shot into the world of Avivalasvegas. I am pleased to be here.
When Avivalasvegas asked me to shoot out some words to Lotusland I thought-this chic's stuck her yang in my yin and baby it's harmony! I've been missing my former home and I have had creative juices pumping through my veins with nowhere to go.
I find myself at the end of a year's journey into the foray of monogamy and it has left me battered and bruised and ready to rumble. The whole time I was inside its nucleus I was sure it was creating a Stepford wife critter. The question is, what is up and what is down? I still don't know and now I'm wondering if I give a rat's ass (but of course I do).
I want love and companionship and someone who digs me so I can feel wanted and hold out hope for a regular shag. The rub here? I entered into this year 2000 romance with the blinders on and my fundamental beliefs tucked between my legs like an embarrassed dick with friction burns.
Up until ground zero I had always been of the mind that monogamy and healthy breathing were as strange and vapid as that FUCKING group Soul Decision. I knew that it really worked for some and that the idea you could always have someone in your corner was appealing. What I also knew is that the parameters extended well past the boundaries of the ridiculous. This betrothed one was to be your special unit, the only one that truly knows you. The one that can see you pull the underwear out of the crevice of your ass and still find you a hottie. What manifests is that beast named we. We enjoyed your party, we donŐt like that, do we? The nail in the coffin of course is wanting to tonsil hockey with any other living being on the face of the planet we know as Earth ever and up until your last breath in your deathbed.
Now, don't think me an Ahole for extolling the virtues of infidelity because you would be dead wrong. I just want it all, is that too much to ask? I want to have my friends, a lover and regular hot sex with the lover. That NEVER happens concurrently. I have had the lover and the friends but not the hot sex. I have had the hot sex and the friends but not the lover. This last year I had the lover and the hot sex but not the friends. I had actually shafted my friends for over a year and a half. I had placed my dreams and aspirations on hold while I tried to become what I had always believed love should be and damn it has left a bitter taste in my mouth.
The upside to all of this? The lover and I are still great friends. I still believe in love, I just haven't found the right combination yet. I am getting back into life-a good godamn thing to do at 30. The gloves a re off and the only way are up. Monogamy shonogamy. I'm not even grown up yet.
Contact nonconformistcritter at 5a7@avivalasvegas.com. Make sure to put nonconformistcritter in the subject line.
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