Join our favorite bartender, Boobs, for her featured drink
and best bar story of the month. She hears 'em all, from happy
hour to closing time, and proves that sexy and wise are not
mutually exclusive.
Boobs the Bartender
Drink Of The Month:
Between The Sheets
A classic cocktail with a name relevant to my fictional tale of sexual angst and irony
- 2 ounces light rum
- 2 ounces brandy
- 2 ounces Cointreau
- 2 Teaspoons lemon juice
In a cocktail shaker , half -full of ice cubes , combine all the ingredients . Shake to mix. Strain the mixture into
two highball glasses, filled almost to the top with ice cubes. Makes 2 killer cocktails!
Bye Bye Bi-Guy!
Lara leaned over the bar and started to tell me her sad tale of sexual pursuit, hot sex and bitter disappointment. "I chased him for a year!" she moaned. "I started a book club with eight people just so I'd have a reason to see him every month. I even drank cheap, Amercian beer. " As this point I was deeply sympathetic. Compromising your dignity is one thing but drinking that foamless, pissy American draft is truly horrible.
Together we reviewed how Lara should have known this guy was playing for both teams.
He had several key indicators:
- a keen interest in the theatre
- a sincere regret he'd never learned to tap dance
- doilies on the arms of his pink sofas
- he wore white jeans
All these factors should have indicated to Lara that even though he lived his life as a straight man, something else was going on in his sex life. "It was a long drawn out dating dance. I thought he found me unattractive. He never kissed me or gave me any indication that our meetings could be more than friendly. One night he pushed me up against the wall of his apartment and WHAM! I was sex-starved and enjoyed missionary style sex and his impressive penis."
Lara was delighted to let her gay friends know that their "gaydar" wasn't as good as they thought she's found a horny, straight guy. (Well she was half-right.) Her heterosexual euphoria lasted about a month until she got a phone call from Mike, a book club member known for his extensive wandering in a local park especially the bushes where blowjobs were exchanged as freely as chewing gum amongst gay men.
He couldn't wait to tell her whom he 'd seen and what he was doing. So Lara discovered her new lover was bi-sexual.
She defiantly invited him out for a Guinness and confronted him with her discovery. To her surprise he was only too happy to say he could swing both ways. "He was so proud. He wondered what business it was of mine anyway! " Lara ranted.
Yes, I could have told her that even if you have ten hours of sex with someone you can't have one expectation. Lara's spiteful feelings had no outlet so she decided to have sex once more time with bi-guy and said bye, bye.
At least she did get some glee in informing others who saw him, in his double -breasted navy blazer that despite appearances, he was a permiscuous bi-guy. I poured Lara an excellent pint of microbrewery beer on the house and urged her to not give up. Her actions were typical of many women who have to deal with the hell of horniness in the face of a dwindling pool of available, decent straight men.
After all we're all out there looking and this Bartender refuses to believe that we have to share our boyfriends/fucking friends. We want some for ourselves!
Contact Boobs the Bartender at 5a7@avivalasvegas.com. Make sure to put Boobs the Bartender in the subject line.
|
